Promised that it would fill my life with colours once again, I trusted my “friends” blindly

Chosen Topic:

The Forgotten Colours of the Rainbow (The Rainbow Within)

1st prize - AA13

By S, a Degree student-inmate from Institution TM1

When I first heard during assembly that the topic for this year’s SACA writing competition was to use the symbolism of colours to write about our past, I thought to myself that this was going to be a walk in the park. My initial idea was to use the different colours of the rainbow, to relate back to my different life experiences. However, as I am now sitting here thinking about the different ways to structure my essay, I realized that I am facing an extremely huge problem…I have forgotten the colours of the rainbow.

Thinking back to the days when I was in school, I would relate those days to the fiery hues of red and orange. These fiery hues would symbolize passion, enthusiasm and youth. When I reminisce about my school days, I can strongly remember the things I was passionate about Sports and having fun, Rugby, soccer, basketball, hockey, any game made available to me, I played them all. After School, I was a neighbourhood kid who spent most of my time roaming about the estate on my bicycle. Back then, my days were filled with nothing but laughter and joy.

When I was at the teacher age of 18, when I first got my heart broken. Empty promises of forever love that was never fulfilled. It was during this period that the colour black filled my life and casted doubts and shadows in my life. Some people argue that the colour black exudes mystery and a sense of elegance. However, to the heartbroken-me, the colour black meant nothing but hurt and pain. I was then introduced to drugs. Promised that it would fill my life with colours once again, I trusted my “friends” blindly.

As I navigated the different twist and turns of my drug-fuelled adventure, I was initially enveloped by the calming embrace of blue, followed by the sense of false confidence given to me by the drugs. It felt like I as at the top of the world and nothing could bring me down. In hindsight, this was just wishful thinking on my end. The laws of gravity have proven that it is impossible to constantly remain high. I needed an increasing amount of drugs to remain high. It also did not occur to me that, what goes up, must come down. The more I relied on drugs to numb the pain of my broken heart, the more colourless my world became. It reached a point where there was nothing but black and darkness in my life. Life’s meaning was all lost. There was nothing for me to live for and I was constantly worried about finding my next high.

In no time, money started to be an issue and to solve this problem, I graduated from consuming drugs to selling drugs. As we all know, the arms of the law are extremely long. It was only a matter of time before I was caught by the authorities. As weird as it may sound, I was filled with relief after getting arrested.

Somehow, at the back of my mind, I always knew that if I was not arrested, I would always be a slave to drugs and might even lose my life to it.

I am now serving my prison sentence and the colours in my life are returning gradually. I have learnt to release the hurt from the heartbreak and healthier ways to manage my pain. I am now taking my degree in prison and this fills me with hope and happiness which is symbolized by the colour yellow. At the same time, my body has been free of drugs for the last four years and I associate this with the refreshing and restful colour green. Most importantly, I know that at the end of my sentence, my life would be filled with the colour white as it is associated with new beginnings. As the colours in my life begin to return, I am excited to continue the second part of my life’s journey – A life beyond the walls of prison that is free from drugs. Hopefully, as time passes, I will begin to remember the different colours of the rainbow.