It would break my heart if he ever ended up like me in a place I am currently in - by M.Y.

Essay Title: The Two Sides of My Mirror: Mistakes and Lessons 

1^st Prize – AA08

By M.Y., a ‘A’ Level student-inmate from institution B5

I share my story to help others live their lives in a more positive and meaningful way, instead of allowing poor judgement to destroy them. Even with endless talent and exceptional intellect; when we are unethical, we can lose everything we have worked hard to achieve. 

I did something that I am ashamed of and I realised that there were a lot of people I had hurt. I followed the crowd blindly, I tried stuff with full curiosity as a result it hurts others, the ones that has patiently stood beside me. I hated myself for the mistake I made – for what I did but not for who I am. Good people are sometime capable of doing bad things and allow foolishness to overcome rational thought, because of those mistakes, because I broke the law, I was sent away from my loved ones. Nobody is to blame, it is entirely my own fault, I have to pay the penalty. 

With my presence away from those who love me, it does not mean that I do not love them – I DO LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I do love my mother, my wife and especially my wonderful and handsome little son. The one that brightens 9 years of my life with his presence, innocence, love and kindness. It would break my heart if he ever ended up like me in a place I am currently in.

The place I am currently in, the prison, is not a beautiful place because I do not have the freedom to be with my mother, my wife and my son. I cannot take them to McDonald’s to have our meal and buy McNugget Happy Meal for my son whenever I want to, or eating ‘nasi ayam’ together just like how my loved ones and I used to. The most heartbreaking part is, I cannot take my son to his Madrasah, art-class and swimming lessons like he always wants me to. This has create tears in my eyes every time I think of the day I should have been there for him. Because of my foolish and selfishness, my time being away hurt my family even more than it hurts me. With this realisation, I decided to do something good for myself and loved ones. I clean up my thoughts and also took up education in the prison, I pursue my ‘A’ level in prison. I want to do something I can be proud for my son. 

During my ‘A’ level journey, it has broaden my mind. It has taught me things beyond my perspective. What I learned is that everything I do affects others around me, literally others that are not related to me. In Economics, I learned about negative externalities, such as simple thing like smoking, on why government raise the price of cigarettes, it is because they want to curb or minimise the negative externalities not because they want to earn more from taxes. I also learn from Management of Business that even though you are just a salesperson, you actually help with the economic of the country, that same salesperson when he purchase item from other businesses, using his salary, the other businesses also gain profit from him and that it creates a virtuous cycle.

And in all the subjects for my ‘A’ levels, I learned evaluation, evaluate the things I wrote or analyse. This has given me a sense of awareness in every perspective of my views. The Economics, Management of Business and General Paper are all inter-related in our world. I am grateful for acquiring these knowledges. With all the gratefulness, I came to be closer to God, the Supreme being. 

Another lesson besides academic, with soul-searching and prayers, being spiritually, God has teach me to love one another and help me to understand that we are born with the capacity to heal all hurts that come our way, to overcome obstacles that are obstructing our way. God made me believe that I can achieve on being a good and thoughtful person. It is not what we do occasionally that make us who we are, it is what we do consistently. Good people sometimes to make mistakes. I made a mistake but I am not a mistake. 

In the eyes of the world, I may be a nobody but to You, my Lord, in the eyes of Yours, my Lord, I am somebody. I thank you with all my heart and soul for taking this nobody and moulding him into somebody. A somebody with conscience, compassion and love for humankind. I thank you for the patience and lessons and the blessing of special friends – that going through ‘A’ levels journey with me, who have inspired me to always be the very best that I can be. Also to my family that has always faithfully stood by me. Thank you for humbling me. 

I learned that, the obstacles I am going through is not just a test to see how strong I am but it actually to strengthen me. To strengthen my mind, body and soul. I also learned that the loving support of my family and friends, helps to strengthen and keep me going through my journey. 

With all the lessons I learned, I never want to serve another time in prison again, but I do want to spend my life with my mother, my wife and my son and serving my community. I want to be someone that is beneficial to society. I want to be a blessing to others around me.

Thank you for this opportunity. God bless everyone.