As an inmate, all colours have faded to grey for me - by W.R.

Chosen Topic:

Green Light (Painting a Brighter Future)

Consolation prize – AA21

By W.R., a Diploma student-inmate from Institution TM1

In a race, every competitor is searching for the one thing before beginning the most crucial moment of their lives, and that is the green light. It may not be much, but the green light starts everything. The green light tells you to just go.

As an inmate, all colours have faded to grey for me. I am even known as my numerical inmate number and not by my name. All things move the same to me, day in and day out. I don’t know what else to try, I think I have lost my mind. At times, I can take it no more. As I drag my feet through each day of my prison life, I wonder what am I searching for.

Then, it dawned on me. I am searching for a way to live my life. I do not mean just being alive, I mean living each day full of colours with fulfilment and being happy while loving each day spent with my loved ones whom I miss dearly. With me currently incarcerated, I can only work towards that aspiration of mine. Many may aspire to have a good career, be rich or even powerful, but I now know that is not for me. Living each day, every day is what I want.

While I may be still seeing Grey right now, I am searching for the green light in my life. The light that tells me to stop worrying, to stop hesitating and go. That is the day of my release. 

To paint a brighter future for myself, I have to first pick up the paintbrush. That is the hardest decision I had to make. Returning back to school after many years since I have left was not easy. I have persevered through it all and the paintbrush is still in my hands. There were many instances where I wanted to drop the paintbrush but I told myself, I cannot continue this grey path of mine. Struggling to hold on, I managed to complete my diploma studies and am now nearing the day of my release.

I am nervous as to decide what to paint. There are so many worries that I may face and as I am, I may not ever start painting. I thought about my family a lot throughout my incarceration. I realised that they are the ones standing by me all these time supporting me, doing what they can to ease the grey. I love them so much, they are the only people I see when I think of my brighter future. They embody the qualities that I want to possess, which are calmness, perseverance and growth, just like a seed growing into a beautiful tree. They represent the restart of my life that I anchor on moving forward. 

It is clear in my mind now as what I would want to paint for my future. I am focused and excited to begin. I am confident and clear as the light in my life is approaching. I don’t ever want to look back again to the grey days of my past, it is what is coming that I look forward to. I feel the support of my family around me guiding my hand and moving the brush as I move. I have persevered, I have grown and I am determined to live my life to the fullest. I am waiting for the light in my life to be free and go forward into the arms of my family, into the world that awaits me. Other colours would eventually come into the painting, but I know what colour to start with. I dip my paintbrush into the paint.