Jail is a place of rebirth and not just a place of punishment - by M.A.M.

Essay Title: Me Looking at My Best Self

3^rd Prize – AA07

By M.A.M., a Degree student-inmate from institution TM1

When I look in the mirror I wonder if I will ever meet the person I aspire to be. I have started to ask myself questions that I have never thought to ask. Who am I? What is my identity? And what is my true life-story that I want the world to know about me? I never imagined that life would bring me to prison but the reality of my current situation is clear. I have learnt to see my life not as a series of mistakes but of identity, change, growth, self-discovery and aspirations. And as much as I would love to see myself beyond these bars, I realise that the best version of me is not waiting on the other side. It is waiting right here – looking at me. 

Before prison, I thought I understood myself. I lived in a world defined by what others thought of me and the way I wanted to be seen. I told myself that meeting expectations of others and not making mistakes meant that I successful. However, this reflection seemed painfully naïve because I was not living my own life. By not making mistakes meant that I was not learning. And now I realise how little I know myself. 

As I began this journey of self-reflection and rehabilitation, the mirror slowly transformed into something I respected. It is in the quiet moments of reflection, the long stretches of time where I have nothing to distract me, that I have begun to see the gradual way I am evolving. I started to see not just the flaws, but strength. And the anger that once consumed me no longer hold power. The pursuit of materialistic ideals and external validation now feel hollow. What has become most important is understanding my own self-worth. It is in this prison cell that I have realized that change is not about escaping a situation but rather about changing the way I perceive myself. 

Now, as I stand infront of the mirror, I see someone whole, calm and authentic. I see someone who is no longer afraid of making mistakes but learns from it. Yes, I have hurt people and let down those who believed in me. Yes, I used to be filled with guilt and shame about the choices that led me here. But by taking responsibility of those wrongs, I have also learnt that I am not defined by them. By making peace with my circumstances, I can finally move forward. 

Rehabilitation is not a straight line up. There are days when the thoughts of giving up creep in. Days when it feels heavy to move on. Days when I look into the mirror and see the weight of my past. In these moments, I return to the mirror and ask myself, “What would the best version of myself do?” The answer is simple: Have courage and forgive yourself. Move forward and become a better person to undo the damage I have caused to myself. Help others like me who feel like they have no future. 

The mirror always remind me that change is possible with time and effort. Through books, confinement and conversations with other prisoners, I have also learnt things that I would never have in the outside world. All of my self-destructive patterns, old-habits and insecurities made me realize how much of my life was shaped by external validation. Now, I listen to my own voice and believe in my ability to adapt. I have begun to understand what truly matters to me (family) and that growth is possible even behind these bars. My identity is not fixed and I am someone who can grow, evolve and become the best version of myself.

The funny thing about prison is that it give you all the time in the world, space and freedom to dream your wildest dreams. I had once been too distracted by the noises from the outside world to dream about what I truly wanted. I no longer want material success and achievements. I want to prove to the world and myself first that growth and becoming a better person is possible even in the darkest of places. 

In the end, jail is a place of rebirth and not just a place of punishment. With the strength and resilience I have gained through self-reflection and my own struggles, I aspire to become someone who can inspire others in their darkest moments. Someone who can use their mistakes and experiences as a learning point for others. And as I look in the mirror, every I hope to see the reflection align with the person I am becoming. Until then, I will keep pushing, keep working hard and keep strong.