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It was a saddening experience for me to go through in life - by N.S.

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Generation education student-inmate from institution A4

Consolation Prize

            This is a life journey of a girl having big dreams towards herself, her family and hopes to contribute back to the society. These are short stories of her life and she hopes to inspire other people out there.

            At a very young age, I had already lost my father’s love and affection. It was a clean break due to his tragic heart attack. It was a forlorn moment for me as the relationship between my dad and I were very close. It left me feeling empty. My mum was then incarcerated after breaking the law. I was still wet behind the ears, which I think I was too young to understand what was happening around me. I was so affected by what had happened to my family. I felt sad, down and abandoned by my mum. However, I was so glad that my grandparents and siblings were there by my side. Although I am unlucky not to get the chance to feel parental love like others, my grandparents were there to give me the courage and moral support that I needed in life. It was a saddening experience for me to go through in life.

            My daily routine is going back and forth between home and school. I will be a lonesome staying home instead of mixing with others. My siblings and I would study together and burn the midnight oil as to achieve flying colours to show to our mum that we could succeed in studies. Towards the end of my primary school, when other parents celebrated the moment of feather in their kids cap, not for myself. My mum was not there when I collected the certificate. Still, I managed to look on the brighter side and hurried home. Soon, I reached home and showed my grandparents my results and they were left with tears of joy.

            After entering secondary school, everything started to change. I started mixing with the wrong people. Their care and concern made me feel wanted and protected. They influenced me to explore new things. It started off with smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol and trying drugs. As it progressed, it got worse. I started to become an addicted and a slave to it. I would do everything and anything I could even working as a hostess at a night club in order to get the drug in my daily life.

            When I was incarcerated after breaking the law, I felt totally lost. My family members visited me until my release. I did not feel remorseful and the temptation to consume drugs was very high. When I fell back to it again, it was hard to say no. Noticing that I do not have the amount of cash to buy them, I went to my grandparents’ house and committed a house breaking offense. I took everything that could be sold for cash in order to buy drugs, I was not in the right mind to think about the consequences. Three days after the incident, I was caught and sent to “Reformative Training Centre”. When I was there, I was given the opportunity to go back to school. I felt glad and thankful for that but at the same time, I felt ashamed and embarrassed for what I have done to my grandparents.

            It was a relief knowing they forgave me but upon hearing my grandmother was still traumatised, I felt full of remorse and really sorry for the mistakes I did. For now, I should turn over a new leaf and upgrade myself to be a better person. I will prove to myself that I can change instead of empty words and promises. I realised that when you want to change, there are no limitations and ending to it but to keep moving forward. I hope that girl will realise her big dreams.

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