I was speeding and I did not care - by Y.R.
'N' Level student-inmate from institution TM1
That moment when life seemed to come to a standstill. That moment when I saw a pair of blinding lights coming closer to me and my intoxicated brain tried to send a signal to me, telling me to try and swerve away from the vehicle just meters away from my car, but to no avail. Looking at my wasted body, I remembered the countless of times when I tried to commit suicide, but every time I was just a hair’s breadth away from death, reality would come seeping back in and I would just sit and weep about my life, my misfortune and for the girl whom I was with that fateful day. This is my story.
“Finally, school is out and I can’t wait to go partying! Want to join me and find some chicks tonight?” my best friend, E, asked. “Thanks for the offer but I would rather be playing my computer games at home man!” I replied. “Come on, bro, just this once alright?” “Fine.” Was my reply. Little did I know that night was going to be the nightmares which will haunt my dreams for the next 23 years.
The party we went to was at the house of one of our richer-than-god classmates. To put it mildly, his house was so big that one of his bedrooms is probably the size of my entire house. I did not like coming for all these parties because I was quite an anti-social kind of guy and truth be told, I felt left out because of the financial differences between my classmates and I. Anyway, the party officially started with an international DJ on set and I have to admit, I was starting to have fun dancing on the dance floor. I found E and he brought me to his table which was laden with different types of whiskey and beer. To my surprise, I saw S. H., who has been my crush for three consecutive years throughout my school years. I had thought she would not know E, because they were so different, in nature and in academic results. We started chatting about nonsense like life, the weather, school, results and the newest gossip in town when all I wanted was to tell her that she had been the girl of my dreams, my fantasies and I just wanted to kiss her right there and then.
Out of a sudden, E told S. H. to bring me over to the dance floor and make me dance, “Sure, why not?” She smiled slyly at me and winked at E. I realised that they had planned to make me dance on the dance floor and E would record the whole event so that he could post it online! Fine, I thought if you guys want to make a show out of me, I will give you a show worth recording. So I started to dance intimately with S. H. and although she recoiled slightly initially, she soon knew my game and she too started and tried to beat me at it. The intimateness between us was almost too much for my raging hormones to bear. She added fuel to the fire by purring into my ear that she has feelings for me too. Imagine that I was so ecstatic inside and we both leaned in for the dramatic kiss. I have to tell you, even after all these years, I have not forgotten the softness of her lips and the message it conveyed to me. We immediately left the party and got into my car.
“Your house or mine?” she asked. “Mine, of course.” I replied. I was so intoxicated and blinded by the hormones in me that I did not want to be rational and cautious while I was driving. I was speeding and I did not care. That was my downfall! I saw that I was arriving at a cross junction from afar but I still pressed the pedal to the metal to run the red light. Or I tried.
I felt the pain as the opposite car came crashing head-on with my car. The collision caused me to black out right after the pain came which turned out to be a good thing. I had spent time thinking if I was awake throughout, I would witness the whole event unfold right before my eyes and it would come back every single night. When I awoke, I found out that I was paralysed from waist down and I would be impotent for the rest of my life. S. H. died on impact and suffered no pain, or so I was told. I could not face her parents nor mine, but they told me as time passed, the pain would gradually fade. I had suffered all these years and sometimes I really prefer to switch places with her. The agony I felt seemed to increase over time instead of lessen. Is this the rightful punishment that I should receive, even after serving ten years in jail? You tell me.