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I am just too ashamed to be asking for help - by N

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'N' level student-inmate from institution A4

3rd Prize

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”


Being pregnant with number six and juggling with work. It was such a difficult thing to do in life. My husband left me with nothing. He just never did return home after that. My life has just begun.


My bills are all piling up. I am just too ashamed to be asking for help. I did not know what to do. I was so in despair. My children are all so young to be helping with chores. I had no choice but to do them all, all by myself. At one point of time, I was so down, I did not realise that I isolated myself in my room. Not doing anything, the kids were abandoned too. They did not go to school. They were left starving. Crying and unhappy. I did not realise it went for days when one day my parents came to my house. They were so stunned to see me in that state. I did not shower for days, I looked so haggard. My dad forced me to wake up. My mom did not even say a word whereas she took over by cleaning my house first. My dad helped shower the kids and took them down to the coffee shop to buy them food to eat.


I was still in my bed with my head on my knees. I broke down again. Telling myself why? Why me? After my mom finished cleaning my house, she went up to me, held me up, ushered me to the bathroom. She handed me a towel and clean clothes. As I went to the toilet, I turned the tap on, letting the water pour down on me. I was in that state for very long. I tried to put myself back together. I tried calming myself down. Finally, I said “Oh, come on, get up. Let’s face this.” So, I rose, showered, and went out of the bathroom. To my surprise, neither my mom nor my children were there. As I walked through the passage to my room, I saw a little note on a food packaging saying “We will fetch you in an hour’ time and please eat a little.” I felt touched as I saw that it was my favourite dish. I still have no appetite to eat yet, so I only ate a little. Then, I saw my phone screen blinking, telling me that there was a message. I read and went out of the house down to the ground floor.


That was the very first time after a few days of isolating myself in the house. At first I felt uneasy but as soon as I saw my parents and my children in the car, I felt a tingle in my heart, touched and loved. But when my parent’s started to ask me questions about why I became in that condition, again I came back to the same upset feelings. This time round, my parents consoled me and gave me the strength to move forward in life beyond the hurdles. They told me to put in the effort needed consistently to make the dreams come true. And lastly, being patient in getting through tribulations. I am really thankful to have parents like them. They are like superheroes to me and my children. 


“Delayed but not denied.”


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