'N' Level student-inmate from institution A4 Consolation Prize
That moment, when I have found the love of my life. I fell in love as if he was the prince charming that I have been waiting for. My friend introduced me to him and we started dating. I was head over heels for him by then. He showed care and concern towards me all the time. He listens to my sorrow and will never fail to put a smile on my face.
Things get intimate between us. Little did I know, I got myself pregnant. I was scared but at the same time I was also happy. I told him the news about my pregnancy and he acknowledged it. I had morning sickness and every time when food entered my stomach, I would vomit everything out. He would be by my side most of the time during that period. Until then, when he got himself into trouble. He went into prison and was sentenced to eight months imprisonment. We contacted each other through visits and letters. Life was miserable to have to carry his baby without him by my side. I waited for his release, welcomed him back and we reunited again.
Two weeks after he was released from prison, I went into labour. I was in pain giving birth to my first child and there he was, by my side holding my hand and giving me the strength that I needed. By the time I woke up, he was in front of me carrying our baby in his arms. It was a girl and it was the most beautiful thing that happened in my life. I took my daughter in my arms and held her tight, telling her that she is the most precious thing in my life.
After a few months, we decided to get married. Even though it was a short notice, I am glad he wanted to settle down and be responsible. At least that is what I thought. After moving in with me, he started his own illegal business, giving excuses such as to financially support me and my daughter. Eventually, I got myself involved and the next thing I know, we not only sold drugs, but also smoked drugs too. We got ourselves into drugs and it is our daily activity doing together.
We brought up our daughter together full of love and affection. With the easy money that we earned, we were happy and enjoyed our time as a family. We provided our daughter with everything. Everything was almost too perfect.
Years passed and he has gotten himself heavily on drugs. He showed signs of paranoia and one thing for sure, that is obvious in him is that he is full of anger. He started to raise his voice at me, shouting vulgarities and started saying harsh things. Passively, I tried my best not to make him angry. As much as I am trying, there will always be things that he is unhappy about and would always pick on me. Such as a day without me doing the cooking would pissed him off. He even get so paranoid and started to distrust me. Things get more disruptive between us and he keeps throwing tantrums. He then started to lay hands on me and that was where everything got into a mess.
I was so afraid of him. Despite the pain from his verbal abuse, he added physical pain on me. I did not recognise him by then. I did not know who he was. He literally changed to a monster. I still could remember the way he looked at me, his eyes were full of rage and hatred.
At only four, my daughter witnessed the violence of her father. I tried to protect her and not to show those unwanted sides of her father. But his anger was out of control. I could not stop him and as though he could not stop himself.
I lived each day hoping that I could find happiness which I once had. I knew that I would be able to make him happy as long as I listened to him no matter how bad he demoralised me. I would not get in his way so as to not make him angry. I did not care about my feelings and all I wanted was the man that I got married to. I tried my best to understand him, I tried my best not to make him angry. But he just got worse, leaving me with bruises, inside and out.
My feelings for him started to fade each day but I still stick by him, hoping that one day he would change. Eventually, it was hopeless. One day, he got really violent and started hitting me non-stop. He was being so unreasonable, he claims that he was unhappy that I did not clean the room like I used to. He hit me continuously and worse, my daughter had to witness it again. I was struggling with the pain and with all the strength that I have, I fought back. I pushed him and tried hitting him with all that I could. I got myself away, bringing my daughter with me. I lodged a complaint about him. Soon after, the police went to my house and brought him to the station. He was given a urine check and they incarcerated him for his drug consumption.
I felt that it was the end of my suffering. I decided to file for a divorce. I shall not have a life with a monster. All I could think of is my daughter’s well-being. And that she is my previous love. I could not hurt her anyone, presenting her with a life filled with violence.
It took a lot of courage for me to end this marriage, but for the sake of my daughter’s future. She does not need a father like him. My daughter and I are better off without him. I would be the mother, and also the father, for my daughter. It is not easy, but it is my vow and my will.