From Me to You
'N' Level student-inmate from Changi Women's Prison
I can say that walking this journey for the past two years has never been easy. In fact, at times, I get frustrated at everything and everybody. Being sentenced for twelve years for abusing drugs is pretty harsh, not only to me but to my loved ones too. While I am paying my dues here, my father out there, all alone, trying to make ends meet.
I am not a first timer but this is my first time feeling the pinch each time my father came to visit. Looking around, there are many others who lack family love and are struggling, looking for love, but I seem not to care. Throughout my being in and out of prison, he has never once complained. This time round, there he has never failed to say… “It’s okay, sweetheart, we are in this together. For as long as my eyes are still open and my heart still beats, I will never give up on you. I have faith that my sweetest daughter will come to her senses.”
My father has done so much for me which I don’t know if I can do for my kids. He has been my pillar of strength, he has been my saviour, but above all, he has been my light that brighten up my journey. He is why I decided to pursue my studies while paying my dues. He is the reason that I came to my senses and decided that I do not want to be in this prison anymore. He sparks loves in me so that I learnt how to love myself. Now that I know that, I shall make the best during my incarceration so that I will be able to upgrade myself and integrate to the society.
I remember telling him that I am sorry for what I have done to him and myself. But of course, words alone can never express my feeling. I am sorry for not able to be there during these years of his old age… I am sorry for not being there during his health and sickness. Indeed, he is always there for me, regardless. What kind of daughter that keeps leaving her father alone, spending his old age back and forth to the prison to visit his daughter?
Each visiting hours he will say “I am afraid not being able to wait for you until you’re free”. And that pierced my heart so deep. I cannot imagine my life without him, and I want him to see me turning over a new leaf. That is the most important thing to me. I know it is not too late though times wait for no man, still I pray to the Almighty to give my father the strength. But I do understand that my father has given me more time than I should get.
Being incarcerated not only punish us for the offence we made, but also punished our love ones. Where does we put our conscious? I do not want to be here anymore even if my father cannot wait for me another six more years. The least I will do is to love myself like my father loved me. I will be normal people and do normal things. Pursuing my studies and build a career. I will never let me being penalise makes my loves one suffer. Is it too much to bear. And to my father… I penned this piece for you.
“From me to you…”
Thanks for the endless love given to me
Thanks for believing in me
Thanks for the faith you’ve bring to me
In the event it’s too late
This is from me to you
I would change this fate
So I’ll be somebody new
In case you never knew
I have loved you and always do
Even if it’s too late to say this to you
I am truly sorry for all the things I’ve done to you
And Abah… this is from me to you… I will be somebody new…
And Abah I love you!